Identity?After quite some time I've started my study at the Ruhr-University in Bochum. Quite some strange feeling being a student. The university is...freedom in a way, although it is a kind of school it's the first time in my life that I'm really given the choice - school was a kind of duty back in the "old days" and civilian duty...well it's not called duty for nothing.
But now here I am, free to decide what to to, where to go, what to learn.
But I do feel home as well now. I've got to know many nice people in the past few weeks (I have attended the preparations in September and now have started the real thing at past Monday), who all share common interests, common knowledge and more or less common goals in life. Actually I kinda feel as a part of a group for the first time.
Kind of ironical is, that I, being an writer and poet, will study a subject of logic and maths - IT-Security and -Technology. It sounds complicated, but is quite fun. Actually we all kid around being hackers-to-be *g*
But there is not only freedom...my friend,
asked in one of his deviations about love ([link]) and that is something that has kept me busy for the last weeks.Love is a strange feeling...I mean, I've been a really _happy_ single for so many months now...almost one year, since my last girlfriend left me for another guy. I...didn't really miss it being with someone, I had my friends, I had the civ-duty and then my work (EDV-Assistant, part-timer) and never really had the time to think about it...
But then one day and everything changes. Suddenly there is one person, telling you three little words...and then...what do you tell in that case? I dunno, was my first time...just...staying friends...it sounds easy and plausible, but it is a hard time for both of us I guess. But I know her, she'll be alright, she is strong.
Me on the other hand...heh, I had my reasons to reject her in the end, but after all I'm a lonely wolf. Memories can taste bitter, as can possible missed chances. And yet destiny can be sadistically ironical. After all this time there is now a single person, someone I just met that gives me a strange kind of happiness when she's around. Even if I'm in the saddest mood, even if I am desperate...if I see her name blinking, read her simple, kind words and I cannot else but smile.
Heh, life is full of surprises...I really dunno what the future brings, I'm not even sure of my own feelings in the present, but in a way I am happy...happy because of a feeling long forgotten, a bittersweet one. Who knows, maybe it will be the wonderful feeling it used to be again.
Content
Optimism
